Client driven leadership training programs
Resilient Leadership Development

Anxious Times… Here to Stay

  • Fact: In these fast-paced, anxious times many situations, topics and conversations easily devolve into taking a side, taking a stand. “Win-Lose” seems to be everywhere these days. Many of us find we are taking a hard stand for our position, while others of us are quietly withdrawing from the fray.
  • Action: Here is the paradigm shift embedded in Resilient Leadership: Focus on your own functioning, not on attempting to change or persuade others. Stay calm, stay connected and also stay convicted. Practice the basic and powerful three-step process of “SEEING, THINKING and LEADING. Thoughtfully listen to the viewpoints of others, seeking clarity (SEEING). Objectively consider the merits of all points of view, seeking a deeper understanding (THINKING). Speak and/or act in a way that is well-informed and well-considered, seeking consistency with your core values and vision (LEADING).

Arlington Coaches Certification Program

Are You A Leader Seeking More Calm, Clarity, and Focus?

Learn more about our Resilient Leadership Certified Coaching Programs

  • Fact: In these fast-paced, anxious times many situations, topics and conversations easily devolve into taking a side, taking a stand. “Win-Lose” seems to be everywhere these days. Many of us find we are taking a hard stand for our position, while others of us are quietly withdrawing from the fray.
  • Action: Here is the paradigm shift embedded in Resilient Leadership: Focus on your own functioning, not on attempting to change or persuade others. Stay calm, stay connected and also stay convicted. Practice the basic and powerful three-step process of “SEEING, THINKING and LEADING. Thoughtfully listen to the viewpoints of others, seeking clarity (SEEING). Objectively consider the merits of all points of view, seeking a deeper understanding (THINKING). Speak and/or act in a way that is well-informed and well-considered, seeking consistency with your core values and vision (LEADING).

Arlington Coaches Certification Program

Are You A Leader Seeking More Calm, Clarity, and Focus?

Learn more about our Resilient Leadership Certified Coaching Programs

EQ + RL = Standing on the Shoulders of a Giant!

  • Fact: An impressive accumulation of research data has shown that leaders with higher levels of Emotional Intelligence have a clear edge on a variety of success indicators over those with lower levels of EQ. Resilient Leadership also helps leaders develop their strengths in the critical areas identified by EQ (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management). But RL adds an important skill set not present in the EQ tool kit: A focus on emotional systems + training in how to “think systems”. Leaders with well-developed EQ have testified that RL has given them an additional, invaluable competency and made them even stronger and more effective leaders.
  • Action: Take the “Are You a Systems Thinker” inventory on pp. 158-59 of Resilient Leadership 2.0 and then read the story of Marvin on pages 9-13. The two Core Practices on page 19 provide accessible steps you can take to strengthen your skills as a systems thinker as you work to become a more resilient leader.

You can get Resilient Leadership 2.0 on Amazon.com

  • Fact: An impressive accumulation of research data has shown that leaders with higher levels of Emotional Intelligence have a clear edge on a variety of success indicators over those with lower levels of EQ. Resilient Leadership also helps leaders develop their strengths in the critical areas identified by EQ (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management). But RL adds an important skill set not present in the EQ tool kit: A focus on emotional systems + training in how to “think systems”. Leaders with well-developed EQ have testified that RL has given them an additional, invaluable competency and made them even stronger and more effective leaders.
  • Action: Take the “Are You a Systems Thinker” inventory on pp. 158-59 of Resilient Leadership 2.0 and then read the story of Marvin on pages 9-13. The two Core Practices on page 19 provide accessible steps you can take to strengthen your skills as a systems thinker as you work to become a more resilient leader.

You can get Resilient Leadership 2.0 on Amazon.com

Under stress do you naturally draw nearer to others or distance yourself from others as a way to tone down your anxiety?

  • Fact: We all do it automatically. When under stress we instinctively off-load the built-up anxiety by “talking things over” with someone who will listen; or, in the opposite direction, we take the “I’m out of here” approach to stress reduction. When we do either of these too frequently, we easily lose a healthy balance and become rigid and one-dimensional in our relationships with coworkers, friends or family members.
  • Action: Think about the last few stressful encounters you have had with coworkers, family or friends. Select one individual with whom you want to strike a more balanced relationship. Make an improvement plan; take action; see what happens.
  • Fact: We all do it automatically. When under stress we instinctively off-load the built-up anxiety by “talking things over” with someone who will listen; or, in the opposite direction, we take the “I’m out of here” approach to stress reduction. When we do either of these too frequently, we easily lose a healthy balance and become rigid and one-dimensional in our relationships with coworkers, friends or family members.
  • Action: Think about the last few stressful encounters you have had with coworkers, family or friends. Select one individual with whom you want to strike a more balanced relationship. Make an improvement plan; take action; see what happens.

Burnout: Too much or too little? Or, is it something much deeper?

  • Fact: The cause of burnout has been researched from countless social science perspectives, and the resulting data is a thicket of overlapping and sometimes contradictory explanations, most often focusing on such things as too many hours worked, trying to juggle too many demands, getting too little sleep, or having too few supportive resources. The research underlying Resilient Leadership, on the other hand, focuses on a framework that is qualitative rather than quantitative. RL identifies an internal dynamic—high levels of chronic anxiety—as the driver of overfunctioning/burnout, not “too much” or “too little” of any external factors.
  • Action: Identify one situation or relationship where you recognize you often anxiously overfunction. Try to dig deeper and identify the anxiety-laden assumptions, the narrative, underneath your behavior. Try to be as objective and factual as you can, and test the extent to which your anxious fears are realistic, and how you might be overstating the risks you face should you stop overfunctioning. Then take a test drive. Face your anxious fears, take a few “new and risky” first steps. See what happens. Try again. And Again.
  • Fact: The cause of burnout has been researched from countless social science perspectives, and the resulting data is a thicket of overlapping and sometimes contradictory explanations, most often focusing on such things as too many hours worked, trying to juggle too many demands, getting too little sleep, or having too few supportive resources. The research underlying Resilient Leadership, on the other hand, focuses on a framework that is qualitative rather than quantitative. RL identifies an internal dynamic—high levels of chronic anxiety—as the driver of overfunctioning/burnout, not “too much” or “too little” of any external factors.
  • Action: Identify one situation or relationship where you recognize you often anxiously overfunction. Try to dig deeper and identify the anxiety-laden assumptions, the narrative, underneath your behavior. Try to be as objective and factual as you can, and test the extent to which your anxious fears are realistic, and how you might be overstating the risks you face should you stop overfunctioning. Then take a test drive. Face your anxious fears, take a few “new and risky” first steps. See what happens. Try again. And Again.

Overfunctioning? Can you spot the underfunctioning? It’s there, for sure!

  • Fact: Overfunctioning is to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action. The way an emotional system works guarantees that overfunctioning is always a reciprocal phenomenon. This means that whenever there is overfunctioning somewhere in an emotional system, there is inevitably a re-balancing (underfunctioning) that is taking place somewhere else in the system—perhaps in another dimension of the overfunctioner’s life, perhaps in how another person is functioning, or perhaps in an entirely separate part of the organization. It can be very difficult to spot exactly where/how the reciprocal dynamic is playing out; but even if it is impossible to recognize, you can be certain that it is taking place!
  • Action: Pick a situation in your home or work system that is clearly a form of overfunctioning. (It’s usually easier to see in others than in oneself.) Get up on the balcony to observe the larger system, and try to recognize where some reciprocal underfunctioning may be happening. It’s often not easy to spot the reciprocal pattern, so make a list of the places/ways that you suspect might be evidence of underfunctioning. Use this exercise as a way to practice the important RL skill of “thinking systems”.
  • Fact: Overfunctioning is to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action. The way an emotional system works guarantees that overfunctioning is always a reciprocal phenomenon. This means that whenever there is overfunctioning somewhere in an emotional system, there is inevitably a re-balancing (underfunctioning) that is taking place somewhere else in the system—perhaps in another dimension of the overfunctioner’s life, perhaps in how another person is functioning, or perhaps in an entirely separate part of the organization. It can be very difficult to spot exactly where/how the reciprocal dynamic is playing out; but even if it is impossible to recognize, you can be certain that it is taking place!
  • Action: Pick a situation in your home or work system that is clearly a form of overfunctioning. (It’s usually easier to see in others than in oneself.) Get up on the balcony to observe the larger system, and try to recognize where some reciprocal underfunctioning may be happening. It’s often not easy to spot the reciprocal pattern, so make a list of the places/ways that you suspect might be evidence of underfunctioning. Use this exercise as a way to practice the important RL skill of “thinking systems”.

Triangle Management = Emotions Management

  • Fact: Building and maintaining healthy and authentic relationships is the hallmark of good friendships and good leadership too. To be a great friend, be open and welcoming but courageous too.
  • Action: Even your best friends will, on occasion, try to draw you into a toxic conversation about someone else. Don’t take the bait. To preserve great relationships keep them wholesome by keeping them free of gossip, scapegoating or third person criticisms.
  • Fact: Building and maintaining healthy and authentic relationships is the hallmark of good friendships and good leadership too. To be a great friend, be open and welcoming but courageous too.
  • Action: Even your best friends will, on occasion, try to draw you into a toxic conversation about someone else. Don’t take the bait. To preserve great relationships keep them wholesome by keeping them free of gossip, scapegoating or third person criticisms.

Are you a Systems Thinker?

  • Fact: Leaders “think systems” by reflecting thoughtfully on the actions, reactions, and interactions they have observed among the people within the system of which they are a part. The anxiety-driven forces that make up the emotional system of families, teams and organizations cannot be directly observed. Reactivity, however, is the “public face” of anxiety and reveals to the thoughtful observer a great deal about the system and what is happening beneath conscious awareness.
  • Action: Set aside time to focus and reflect on the emotional system you are part of (family and work being the most obvious and important systems for most of us). Be deliberate about trying to understand what is underneath a subtle—and perhaps not so subtle—reactive behavior that you observe in yourself, in others or in the system at large. Focus on a single behavior that is clearly reactive and disruptive, but do not be lured into thinking it is the behavior that is the issue or problem. See it as a symptom, and probe more deeply into the source and intensity of the anxiety that must be driving such a behavior. Reflect on where there may be hidden connections with other parts of the system, and ask yourself how anxiety elsewhere might be spreading like a contagious virus, only to surface in the behavior that has caught your attention.
  • Fact: Leaders “think systems” by reflecting thoughtfully on the actions, reactions, and interactions they have observed among the people within the system of which they are a part. The anxiety-driven forces that make up the emotional system of families, teams and organizations cannot be directly observed. Reactivity, however, is the “public face” of anxiety and reveals to the thoughtful observer a great deal about the system and what is happening beneath conscious awareness.
  • Action: Set aside time to focus and reflect on the emotional system you are part of (family and work being the most obvious and important systems for most of us). Be deliberate about trying to understand what is underneath a subtle—and perhaps not so subtle—reactive behavior that you observe in yourself, in others or in the system at large. Focus on a single behavior that is clearly reactive and disruptive, but do not be lured into thinking it is the behavior that is the issue or problem. See it as a symptom, and probe more deeply into the source and intensity of the anxiety that must be driving such a behavior. Reflect on where there may be hidden connections with other parts of the system, and ask yourself how anxiety elsewhere might be spreading like a contagious virus, only to surface in the behavior that has caught your attention.

How is it possible to remain balanced in a VUCA world?

  • Fact: It is an undeniable fact that the world we live in today is characterized by Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity (VUCA). Those who are in a positon of responsibility—at home or at work—cannot escape the challenges posed by the demands of leadership in a world of such intensity and escalating chaos. Since “being responsible” is an essential dimension of leadership, the temptation to overfunction is strong and powerful. Recall, the definition of overfunctioning is “to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action.”
  • Action:Action: How to balance legitimate claims of responsibility that are ours as leaders, without feeling responsible for what is not ours to carry is a huge issue. Try this: (1) Make a high-level list of no more than 10 of the major areas/things that you feel responsible for at home or at work. (2) Then go back and thoughtfully put a percentage number beside each item, indicating how much of the responsibility is truly yours to carry. (3) Finally, go back a second time and put the percentage that represents how much you feel and act as if you are responsible for each item. (4) Study the items where there is a significant difference in the percentage numbers, and consider the implications where it appears you are overfunctioning.
  • Fact: It is an undeniable fact that the world we live in today is characterized by Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity (VUCA). Those who are in a positon of responsibility—at home or at work—cannot escape the challenges posed by the demands of leadership in a world of such intensity and escalating chaos. Since “being responsible” is an essential dimension of leadership, the temptation to overfunction is strong and powerful. Recall, the definition of overfunctioning is “to think, feel or act for another in a way that erodes another’s capacity for ownership or thoughtful action.”
  • Action:Action: How to balance legitimate claims of responsibility that are ours as leaders, without feeling responsible for what is not ours to carry is a huge issue. Try this: (1) Make a high-level list of no more than 10 of the major areas/things that you feel responsible for at home or at work. (2) Then go back and thoughtfully put a percentage number beside each item, indicating how much of the responsibility is truly yours to carry. (3) Finally, go back a second time and put the percentage that represents how much you feel and act as if you are responsible for each item. (4) Study the items where there is a significant difference in the percentage numbers, and consider the implications where it appears you are overfunctioning.

12 Reasons to be interested in the RL Coach Certification Program

  1. Want to know why your boss has stopped talking with you? Come to Resilient Leadership Coach Certification training and find out.
  2. Attend the Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program and earn ICF Continuing Coach Certification Credits (CCEs) (41 Core Competencies Units and 6.75 Resource Development Units).
  3. Want to stay calm going to and coming home from work? Come to Resilient Leadership Coach Certification training and find out how.
  4. The Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program helps leaders know how to see, understand and skillfully manage themselves in the emotional dynamics that surround their interactions with others.
  5. Training in Resilient Leadership helps leaders know how to see, think and powerfully lead within the emotional dynamics of family life and work life.
  6. Practicing Resilient Leadership principles helps leaders reduce their stress level by equipping them with the knowledge and tools to “Step Down” their own internal anxiety.
  7. Resilient Leaders are able to see and manage their own emotional triangles by maintaining a calm, clear and convicted stance in those triangles.
  8. Resilient Leaders learn that anxious feelings are caused by an automatic response to a real or perceived threat. They learn how to stop and think: “What’s causing me to feel anxious right now? Is my level of concern realistic?” If their answer is yes, they decide what action is needed to bring control back.  If no, they see their over-reaction for what it is and they can smile to and at themselves and move ahead.
  9. Resilient Leadership certified coaches know how to help their clients calm themselves and others down in the face of ever increasing anxiety. They help their clients feel more in control than ever before.
  10. Resilient Leadership offer a way to understand the actions and behaviors of others as coping mechanism to help them manage their emotions, which are always transient and fleeting.
  11. Certified Professional Coaches who successfully complete the Resilient Leadership Coach Certification Program will be able to list their credential (Resilient Leadership Certified Coach) for two years following completion of the program.
  12. Learn to calm down by applying Bowen’s Family Systems Theory at work and home.

Hello out there. Are you staying connected?

  • Fact: When we are juggling busy, complex schedules, we can easily lose touch with important friends, colleagues, constituents. We let time pass by with little notice, and before we know it, our connection with key stakeholders has weakened. When this happens, we hesitate to pick up the phone and call or send a note.
  • Action: Be proactive. The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to reconnect. Each Monday morning identify 1 connection to rekindle that week. Make the call or send the note before week’s end. Every week!
  • Fact: When we are juggling busy, complex schedules, we can easily lose touch with important friends, colleagues, constituents. We let time pass by with little notice, and before we know it, our connection with key stakeholders has weakened. When this happens, we hesitate to pick up the phone and call or send a note.
  • Action: Be proactive. The longer we wait to take action, the harder it is to reconnect. Each Monday morning identify 1 connection to rekindle that week. Make the call or send the note before week’s end. Every week!